If I Had a Hammer

September 13, 2007 at 4:18 pm | Posted in Books, Childhood Memories, LIfe, Memoir, Post-Partum Depression | 1 Comment

I like Rosie O’Donnell.  I used to watch her talk show frequently and it was sure to make me laugh.  She made A League of Their Own for me.  I may not always agree with her politics, but I tune out when celebrities talk about that for the most part anyway.  I don’t personally turn to entertainers when that topic comes up.  I heard about her fight with Tom Selleck on her talk show way back in the day as well as her blow-out with Elizabeth Hassellback earlier this year.  I didn’t watch or read the exchange.  I know all about that kind of drama in the work place in my own reality.  The last thing I need is to revisit it on my own time.  I’m hoping that Rosie’s recent trend toward the serious ends soon.  I miss her comedy.

The reason I bring this is up is because I caught a headline on People about some of the contents of her upcoming book, Celebrity Detox.  In it, she apparently goes into detail about her proclivity to break her own bones.  This really saddens me one more than one level.  First, that her home life was such a disfunctional place that she would get to a point where breaking her own bones seemed good or logical to her.  Mostly, maybe, it saddens me that she is being so public about all of this.  I’m not saying to hide this in shame.  No way!  But does a person have to reveal every single detail of an abusive situation to be honest?  I’m wondering if being this open about everything in her life isn’t just another manifestation of her self-destructiveness.  It makes me feel all the more sad for Rosie as a child.  Not only did she suffer, but now the intimate details of all that suffering are being laid naked under the spotlight.  Why?

On another blog I was very frank about some of the things that I experienced during my battle with post-partum depression.  It felt good to know that I was – in that medium – about to explain exactly how I saw things and how they felt.  They weren’t pretty.  There was one post, though, that went over “the Rosie edge” so to speak.  I wrote it later in the afternoon and posted it.  By 2 or 3 the following morning, I removed it.  It felt good to write it out, but it wasn’t meant for public consumption.  It was sacred to every part of me and it needed to be kept that way.  Removing that post did not in any way say that it was something I should continue to feel ashamed about.  Removing it honored my experience even more than writing about it.  My deepest pains should be treasured for what they are and what they mean to me.  The more I thought about that post being “out there,” the more I felt that I was exploiting and even prostituting that part of me.  I found that it was time for me to be kind to myself both in the past and in the present.  Doing so was then being kind to my future.

I have no idea who, if anyone, read that post before I took it down.  For that, I am thankful.  Rosie is not going to have that luxury, especially once the book is published.

Rosie, I beg you to go back.

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  1. i know – if i’m honest – the times i feel the need to share the tragic things that have happened to me in inappropriate ways it is because i’m trying to justify some behavior. hoping it gives me some excuse for being crabby, rude, mean or whatever it was. the sad thing is the more i do that the more i let whatever the bad thing was define who i am now.


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