EW Slams Andrew Davidson and The GargoyleAugust 1, 2008 at 7:35 pm | Posted in Reading | 33 Comments
Tags: Andrew Davidson, Entertainment Weekly, glowing reviews, The Gargoyle
My weekly copy of Entertainment Weekly arrived in the mail today. Per usual when there isn’t an article by Stephen King (I absolutely love his monthly articles!), I went straight to the back to the book review section. I instantly smiled when I saw a picture of Andrew Davidson along with the review of The Gargoyle. My smile didn’t last long, however, when I saw the grade – D. D? I couldn’t believe it. I read the review and I was astonished. The text is short, so I’ll repeat it here:
Doubleday ponied up a reported $1.25 million for Andrew Davidson’s debut novel, The Gargoyle — and if they were paying for just the unintentionally hilarious sentences, that would work out to about $10,000 per howler. This much-hyped book is eye-bulgingly atrocious, packed with medieval history to disguise prose that’s worse than your average Dungeons & Dragons blog. The unnamed narrator is a repugnant coke-addled porno actor (credits include Doctor Giving Bone, I Presume) who, in the first scene, burns himself alive after driving off a bridge while high. He spends the first never-ending 200 pages of the book in the hospital getting taunted by a chatty ”bitchsnake” who lives in his spine, prompting a Herculean bit of alliteration that sounds like Dante’s Inferno translated by Dr. Seuss: ”The sibilant sermons of the snake as she discoursed upon the disposition of my sinner’s soul seemed ceaseless.” Ssssseriously?
Soon, a woman enters — the tattooed Marianne, a carver of stone gargoyles by day who insists that she and the narrator were lovers in the 14th century, when she was a nun and he carried a crossbow. Gradually, the shriveled porno-actor gargoyle learns — awww — to love. But first, Marianne has an amusing moment while eating vegetarian pizza naked. ”A cheese strand dangled from her mouth to the edge of her left nipple,” the narrator reports, ”and I wanted to rappel it like a mozzarella commando to storm her lovely breasts.” The real expert on cheese here is Davidson.
I will willingly concede that my opinion of a book is not Gospel. However, I’m not alone by a long shot. Here is a collection of not only positive reviews of The Gargoyle, but glowing reviews.
I’m sure there are more and I’d be thrilled to add your voice to my little collection of praise for this wonderful novel. I would also like to suggest that you go to Entertainment Weekly’s website and submit your own grade for this novel. I’d hate for one man’s opinion (Gregory Kirschling) of this novel prevent people from picking up this novel just because it’s in a popular magazine.